Its been an interesting journey. One of self discovery. I was thinking about something I am taking forward beyond my 40’s, and its self reflection. I definitely spend more time in analysis and awareness than i used to. Although I think I have always tried to be self-aware. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I have been self-regulating. (Some of my less than proud moments). And, I am definitely hard on myself. I think most of us are harder on ourselves and less apt to forgive our faults and errors along the way.
So – all of that adds up to amplifying some of the learnings along the way. I went for a quick walk tonight, and was thinking about the things I carry with me, and the things I have been able to let go of along the way. And, as most of us are aware – its not that we have less personal baggage as we get older. Our lives have been “marked” along the way by these experiences. Our egos, feelings, hearts, minds have been forever altered by our interactions with others. I am finding more that when I am reacting to a situation, I tend to now think about my reaction, and what was the root of it. So, maybe that’s part of what I am bringing forward… more self awareness. More thought about how my past informs reactions and decisions now.
That goes along with the extra XX lbs that I also gained so far on my journey through adulthood. (And no, I wouldn’t read the XX as 20. I will leave it up to the imagination of what that number is). For me, the XX varies and my feelings about the XX vary as well. All in all – gotta love the skin you’re in.
And, speaking of skin – I have had a couple of firsts in the last 2 weeks. I have had my first black eye. I proved I can be less than graceful. I proved my skull is stronger than originally thought. And, I am concluding I do not want to experience that particular situation again. However, it is fascinating to me to see the bruising change colour, and gravity affect its location on my face. And, it really doesn’t hurt anymore.
I also had the pleasure of experiencing the Minneapolis St Paul airport on a continuous basis from one day to another. I found a somewhat quiet corner for myself to sleep in the wee hours of the morning between delayed flights. And, actually thinking about that, it actually showed where people felt comfortable. Sleeping people under airport issued blankets and on chairs, cushions, across benches, curled up in quiet corners were strewn through the large terminal. Delays were rampant that evening for flights. And yet, I found everyone to be incredibly respectful. Most interactions I noticed were patient, and some resigned, but all in all, a sense of togetherness with strangers was experienced. I found a quiet place for myself above the general terminal area. There was a walkway between two sides of the large terminal which was closed throughout the night. But, on the mezzanine before the walkway, above the general gate areas and thoroughfares a few of us found refuge.
So…. taking a few new experiences forward. …. The time is ticking away. I am sure there are other things coming with me to the other side of 50…..